I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
