apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
vagina is talking i cant
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
