I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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