The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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