dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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