you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
