I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
