The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
