4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize