epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We need to get me chipped asap
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
