Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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