just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Quick, to the slutcave!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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