Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't deserve a penis
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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