Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
