I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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