so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish there were birth control emojis
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
