Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize