hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
