i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
