I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A+ Viking dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
