btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
