Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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