My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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