i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
