You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
