im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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