Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
