Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
please come you make the beer taste better
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What a dumb baby whore.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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