I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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