Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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