I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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