well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
