lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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