So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize