im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
