i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
