So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
