so explain again why im purple
no
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
