is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
