i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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