i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
