Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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