Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
