After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
