My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
