you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
