her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
