He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
