this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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