im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What a dumb baby whore.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
