i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
