The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
