She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize