Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
