he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im part way to drunk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
