god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
