Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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