I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
