Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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