you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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