Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
