So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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