Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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