I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
