I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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