he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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