who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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