Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
