just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
