My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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