I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
