my vag is so smooth its legendary
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
