mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
