i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize