did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
