im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
