I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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