Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
