just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
