I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
