I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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